HeeeLLLooooooO

Wow!

Soo many things happen to me this month.
I have been starting my practicum for ~2 weeks, and I have complicated feeling in regard to the works I am going to perform for the next 8 mths.
I am still in the process of adjusting myself, and I believe that I will see BIG things out there... something nice in my agency, and I enjoy meeting the kids. The saddest thing is that the location is far away from Oakland area. It takes ~1.5 hrs trip from Oakland to my agency, so total hours for round trips will be 3 hours.

Another flip side from my practicum is that I have to accomodate my times very effectively and efficiently. My academic workloads combine with my practicum works make my days a little bit tough...

However, I do have good news...
I saw pretty fireworks last night...
I also enjoyed my times with oppa.

HeLL

Midterm is around the corner, and that means everyone is starting to get panic including me. On the other hand, I question myself if I am really in a panic mode, or I just pretend that I am panic.
Perhaps, I should say that I just want to get over these daunting midterms.

Some of my close classmates are really stressed out, even though I know deep down they will get at least A- for each midterm exam. They have been studying since two weeks ago. Some even studied in a library all days all weeks. Therefore, they should not worry for midterms. right???
Unfortunately, this is not the case because they keep saying "I don't understand this and that." I admit that I admire their efforts to email our professors just to get the answers. However, I also wonder whether the professors will get tired or not in responding their questions because they asked too much questions, which I believed they could find some of the answers from textbooks.
I am so tired.. emotionally tired, so I just pray that I can survive until Thanksgiving break. The practicum will start soon, so I am not allowed to get sick..

I also don't know why I feel sad lately.. I have lots of things going on, and I don't know which one that I should do first... How I wish that I have someone other than my mom to talk with. Mom has enough problem, so I should not bother her, and I can't rely on my sister, too. I am just tired. That's it.

Idul Fitri

Eid Mubarak... I guess that the English words for Idul Fitri.

midterm is next week
Field practicum will start two weeks from now

Mixed

Sometimes I feel that people come to me because they need my helps
but
they will leave me, once their problems are solved.
Sometimes
I want to know everything about my friends, what they discuss, and what they think
but
I know that everyone deserves a privacy, which means he/she wants to keep it for him/herself.
Sometimes
I wonder if there is anyone out there besides my parents who always think about me all the time
but
I know it is useless and bring no good for having that thought.

At the end,
I should always have a positive thinking.
I should not be too sensitive to my friends and everything in my surroundings.
I should believe that there is a good thing, a big surprise that is waiting for me.
I know I will get there
and I understand that it is okay, if you suddenly just feel terrible about yourself.
I thank God for His guidance and protection because I can't imagine what my life look like without Him.

Untitled

So many things happened to me this week. Some of them are good, some are not okay.
The good news:
my high school friend gave birth a baby girl on Thursday morning.
one of my undergraduate friends were married last week or at the second week of September.
I did a volunteer interview and tried to make this for my field practicum w/ additional works (of course). I got a sense that they seemed to like me, but they won't say anything until they receive all references back to their office.
I will do another placement interview next Wednesday. I am not sure if I like it, but I've got to try..
I will do a "speedy" volunteer this coming Monday so that I can write my paper.
Today is Friday, I can relax a little bit.

Not-so-good news:
I still stuck with the diversity quiz... Not sure, how I can get back on track
I am really OVERWHELMED with all the graduate school works... It makes me think that I will not continue to PhD. No, thanks.
And many more...

Another thing that I want to share is a story of my classmate. We have same classes except on Monday. Both of us are international students and come from Asia.The differences: I am a female and my classmate is a male. He is from Korea and I am from Indo. He actually lives in Seoul and has social work degree from a univ in Korea.
One day he said that he used all his salaries that he has saved for ~3 yrs from his navy job to go to graduate school. His story really stuck in my head for some reason..
I am sure other people do the same thing, but this is the first time I hear a "Live" story from a "real" person. Not only I am amazed w/ his spirit, but I also respect him. It makes me think that I shouldn't give up with my situation, that I should keep moving on. Probably this is why I don't like to see people whose hobby is to waste money, but no effort to produce money or show something good.

Roller coaster weekend

Friday:
The Original Mattress Factory Museum
Panera
Phipps Conservatory

Saturday:
Lunch at CMU truck
Run errands

Sunday:
church
Lunch at Belgian restaurant..
another run errand...
Study

When????

When will my placement get confirmed??
I still can't get hold on her... I wonder how busy she is until she even can't respond my calls.

Still working on my placement...

Yep...
I got one potential agency for my placement, but I couldn't get hold on the director of that program. I hope she will return my call sometimes before the end of this week.
It is not a hospital setting, but the program is dedicated for behavioral and mental healths issues. I will interact with families as well.. I admit that I feel jealous when my classmates said that they got a placement at the hospital setting or psychiatric ward.. I questioned why I didn't get it... Do I miss something here???
However.... I'm trying to not argue or complain as long as I get a placement for Fall. I will work hard for Summer and next year... People say that I am persistent.. so I'm going to make it, though it can make me exhausted.

For volunteer, I get quite good response... one is for hospital volunteer and another is for school setting where I will work with little kids.. I hope I can get one and do my 1st volunteer before Sept 29.

Patience

I still don't hear anything regarding my placement and plan to visit my advisor's office tomorrow.
My ticket to Indonesia for Christmas is still on waiting list because I insist to return to US on Jan 2,09 instead of Jan 1,09. I don't know if it is worthy to go home for Christmas, but I don't want to spend my Christmas alone.. For sure, I don't want to celebrate my Christmas in Pittsburgh. Do I really hate Pittsburgh? This city is not that bad. It is pretty, but I still feel lost in Pittsburgh.
I keep telling myself that this is a temporary issue. Later on, I can get along with the environment, or I will refuse to return to my hometown... :P

Remember when I mentioned about my 1st quiz?? I got the score this afternoon. It wasn't bad, but it wasn't good enough. It relieved me a little bit because I didn't get 50.. Next time, I'll study hard.. make sure that I read all essays well. If necessary, I'll memorize everything in detail.

Last but not least, I have lots of things going on with me,, too much until I can't think what steps I should take. I guess it's normal for human to have problems, and can you imagine if you live in this world without having problems?

tired

I have been burning myself with school works over the past weeks, and I was really upset that I didn't do my 1st quiz well. I didn't expect that the professor would give us that kind of questions(she would took some of the sentences out from reading and made it a question), and I was sure other students felt the same way. Just to let you know, each chapter consists of six essays, and these were not a short essay..
I thought she would give us some kinds of analytical or logical questions, but it turned out that I had to memorize everything in detail(for each essay).

Now, I am feeling sick and extremely tired. There's not much progress regarding my field placement. I still can't find a perfect place for volunteer, while my paper will due at the end of this month.

My old habit is back!

That means...
I slept very very late...
I had difficulties to close my eyes during bedtime because I had lots of things to do, and that annoyed me so much.

This is what happened to me over the weekend:
I slept at 00:00 on Friday night, neither because I watched a movie, nor I chatted w/ someone else. I read one of my textbooks and tried to finish my journal assignment.
On Saturday night, I slept around 4am, in which I was supposed to sleep early because I had quite a busy activity before that. The truth?? I couldn't sleep and I ended up returning to my desk and finished my reading.
Those rituals continue until this morning.

Today is a labor day, and I promise my classmate that we will study together at the library. I need to go to library to get a book, and the prof requires us to read that book before class. By the way, the class is about social welfare.

Despite of all my personal issues, I had opportunities to:
-meet Indonesians here... from older to younger Indonesians.
-chat with new people, get new different perspective.
-go shopping
-eat Penang food, but Nasi Lemak that I ordered was far from my expectation. It's not that bad, but I expect to eat VERY VERY tasy nasi lemak.
-see the Sun and get a fresh air. (Yes, my homework is killing me!!!!)
-talk with Mommy through phone. Thanks mom!

I've got to go..
see yaaa

mY " free" time

Things that I'm SUPPOSED to do:
1. read my textbooks or articles
2. continue to write a paper for one of my classes

But,

I am busy writing this blog.

Hahaha...

Please don't follow my bad habit.

Meet a new friend

I met this girl when I was waiting for a shuttle bus that would take us to get around the city. It was a free program from School of Social Work. I thought she is an American, but I learned that she is from Turki. I was a little bit sad at that time because my parents had left for NY that morning, and I felt lonely. In short, everything was not right, and my first thought when I saw her was I could be her friend.

She is a lovely girl, and her bachelor degree is in social work. Yes, she is a social worker in Turki. I think I am the only international student whose background is not from social work. There are two other Koreans and both of them have social work degree from a university in Korea. Isn't that nice? Am I crossing the line too far? I learned about this field when I was in the US and never planned that I would study Social Work. But, my confidence is slowly back, which means I should be all right. No need to worry...

Back to my new friend, I get a feeling that we will have a good friendship, and I'm excited. I miss my friends in Ames, miss them so bad, but I can't go back. Well,,, let's keep this for myself.

Anyway, I am glad that I meet her.

Back to SchooL

Lots of reading assignments
Lots of assignments
APA styles
Very very expensive textbooks
1 professor only has 2 scores, either 0 or 100.
Each class runs for ~2hrs
And
still
many
more
and
more

But...
I'm going to survive..
I'm not going to fail
never ever

Wajah Pengantin (Bride or Groom’s face) --> part of my summer activities

One of my childhood friends asked me if I wanted to watch the grand final of “Wajah Pengantin” and without further thinking, I said yes. The show was held in one of the hotels in Semarang, 64 contestants along with approximately eight judges were involved in this event. The judges were those who have been working in the fashion and beauty industries for years, and one of the main sponsors of this event was La Tulipe cosmetic. The committee divided contestants into two categories, casual and bridal in which each category consisted of 16 couples or 32 contestants. From my opinion, the bridal section is more prestigious than the casual section, but it is good enough to be able to move into grand final. Am I right?

Part of the show that I liked most was to see how each contestant walked on catwalk, especially for female contestants. The similarity among those female contestants was that all of them were skinny, tall, and had good looking face. I would have to say that the performance of male contestants both from two categories were not as good as the females’ performance.

In between fashion shows, we were entertained with the body builder & aerobic show, La Tulipe launching cosmetic product, and new trend hair color by Ave Salon.FYI, Ave Salon is one of the famous salons and bridal houses in Semarang. I became bored watching the shows (both from sponsors and contestants) so I left early. I didn’t regret to leave early since I’ve been watching at least ¾ of the entire show, and that was good enough for me. One thing though that I learned from this show was that every one is special. That means you have to have a confidence of yourself despite of what people say about you. Others may say that fashion models aren’t smart, but not everyone can do that job. I even can’t do that job well, but I am good in other parts that fashion models may not be able to do it. So, I advise you to seek your inner qualities and try to improve it. I believe you can do it.

My Summer Vacation

After two years away from Indonesia, I finally could go home for vacation. I felt so great!
I met my high school friends, beloved sister, parents, grandparents, and etc. Everything has been changed, like a lot of new places in my hometown, and I saw my friends were changed, too!

Following is my observation about Indonesia including my hometown:
1.Cengkareng is very crowded. It doesn’t look like an international airport. Some people have been complaining about its messiness via newspaper, but it seemed to me that no one cares.
2.The government tries to “kill” all corruptors.
3.Tax, tax, and tax. The government is strict w/ tax collection.
4.Smoke! Almost everyone is smoking.
5.Dirty, as always
6.Malls. Indonesia is not as primitive as foreigners think. We have pretty malls. My friends took me to GI (Grand Indonesia) which is one of the biggest and the most luxury malls in Indonesia. You don’t need to go to S’pore or KL for shopping. You can go to Jakarta for shopping. Tunjungan Plaza III in Surabaya offers branded products like ZARA, LV, and etc. Paragon Mall will open in Semarang, and it is under construction right now.
7.the government promotes “Visit Indonesia 2008”
8.Fancy cars. I saw a lot of nice cars like Lexus, Mercedes Benz, Toyota Harrier, and etc almost everywhere.
9.Skinny, pretty models and movie stars. Skinnier-> better :P
10.Indonesian movies are still up.
11.I hate sinetron. My mom likes to watch “Cinta Fitri” while I think that the drama series aka sinetron look ridiculous.
12.Messy road. Most of the time, I’ll become paranoid when I am inside the car. My sister said that I needed to ride a public bus or mikrolet (bajaj) so that I won’t be afraid when I go out w/ her.
13.Traffic children or a lot of children or beggars on the street.
14.Indonesian food is still delicious.

And still many more….
Last but not least…
I would like to thank my friend, "I" who is kind enough to let me visit her workplace, who wants to sit in the 1st row watching Dark Knight, and who helps me to organize place for small reunion.
I am also grateful for the little gift from E. The piggy is making an annoying sound, but I love it.
Thanks to my sister… who wants to accompany me eating a lot of good food… hahahaha

FamiLy

I had some regrets this morning.
First, I regret that I didn't check SQ schedule when I booked my ticket couple months ago.
Second, I regret to bring up 1 question which leads into a disaster.

SooN.,,

One and 1/2 more days and I'll be at home.
My mood is up and down.. hard to describe, but I look forward to meeting my family.

I've been waiting for this time since Dec 2007.. right after my roommate left for good. Things happened at home, and not much I could do, so this Summer I need to go home.

What else??
Ooh.. I slept almost all days yesterday. I thought my long sleeping would cover the other times when I had insomnia.. hahahaha...
Nothing special this morning other than counting how many hours left before my flight to Indonesia.
I went to church, St. Paul Cathedral, which is close to my apartment. I fall in love with this church, and I even tell myself that I want to get married in this church, or at least a church whose interior is similar to this one.
I think there is one church in Semarang, whose interior is close to St. Paul Cathedral's interior, but I couldn't remember the name. The church isn't big, and it's not Cathedral Church. I believe the location is close to my high school. (FYI, we have one Cathedral Church in Semarang, but it's not as pretty as the one in Pittsburgh.)

I am excited to meet my high school friends, try to picture how they look like. Well, I can check their pictures through Friendster, but still I want to see the actual face. Hahaha..
In addition to this, I feel that I lose (a little bit) weight since I move to Pitt.. My mood was not good for the first two weeks here. I miss my Amesians... I am exhausted with my moving process like buying new book cabinets.. I walk a lot, so I burn calories, and my mind doesn't stop thinking which cause me to lose appetite. I am hungry, but I am too tired to cook. No more energy to cook.. I only want to drink and drink... Isn't that weird??

One Saturday------

I planned to stop by .......... but the place apparently was being used for reception or event, so I had to walk home w/ mission unaccomplished.
However, I went to Starbuck which was only 1 block away from this place. :) I am addicted to Doubleshot on Ice, and I have been drinking that doubleshot almost every day w/ the min. size grande.. hahaha...
Most of the time, I use doubleshot as my lunch meal due to the hot weather in Pittsburgh made me to get a drink not food. I tried to go back to my original style, hot coffee like cappuccino or latte, but the weather just not right. :P

Still about food and beverage, I went to one Chinese restaurant close to my apartment. We had a farewell party for one Indonesian who will go home (for good) today in this restaurant. I was half hungry at that time, so all food tasted delicious. There was one menu that I didn't recall its name, and it was yummy. They put sweet cream milk inside scallops, rolled them w/ flour and deep fried. When you bite the scallops, the cream will melt and fill in your mouth right away. Hahahaha...
Somehow I feel that this menu is not an entree but a dessert. I'm sure everyone loves it.

Two more days and I'll go home. I am between excited, yet nervous w/ my upcoming vacation. I know that I can't runaway, so I have to face the biggest fear which will come SOON. I'm sorry that I can't share about that, but this is something that I've been worried since I was a little.

Music

My recent favorite songs:

1. "Say" by John Mayer
2. "What You Got" by Colby O' Donnis ft. Akon
3. "No Air" by Jordin Spark ft. Chris Brown
4. "Realize" by Colbie Caillat
5. "Bleeding Love" by Leona Lewis

and many more...
hahaha

Book Worm...

This is my third week in Pittsburgh, but I'd already bought two books, checked out a book from Carnegie Library, and have been in and out from several bookstores. The public library is very nice, huge (sorry, I'm from small town, and we only have 1 medium-size public library), and comfy. It seems to me that I enter a bookstore, not a library! I found a lot of good books, I mean up-to-date books, and more good stuff. Too bad that I'm going to leave Pittsburgh for 2 mths, so I can't borrow the books and take them home.

Then,,,,
Yesterday, I visited my friend's house, and he showed me two books in which one of them is his favorite book. He happened to ask me about my hobbies last week, and I told him that one of them was reading. That's why he showed me his books, and he ended up lending me his favorite book. I didn't ask, but he really wanted me to read it. A book which was written by Indonesian author, and I haven't finished reading it. He even said that he wanted to get a feedback from me. I guess the author of this book must be someone special for him, I mean more than just a best friend.

I don't really like to read comics... hehehe..
I started to read a novel back when I was in the late middle school, but I didn't read the novel well, boring, so I stopped. I then started to read again when I was in the tenth grade because my classmate who sat next to me was paid attention to Harry Potter not school materials. Her conversation topic always evolved around Harry Potter, so I became curious and asked if I could borrow her Harry Potter book. That was the beginning. I read all Harry Potter books, kept reading until 2 AM in the morning, and finally stopped when I moved to United States.

I began to learn to read novels that are written in English during my college years, and it wasn't easy... In addition to English novels, I was required to read scientific/business journals, newspaper, textbooks, and all were written in English. It was a daunting task to read English textbooks especially when you didn't like the subject, but you had no choices. But, I still enjoyed reading fiction novels, like romantic, loving novels. :)

Not until I worked w/ youths that I switched my reading preferences from romantic-fancy novels to family or children oriented books. This pattern is still happening until now, even though I try to mix it a little bit by choosing fiction novels. Still, I ended up reading informational books that require extra thoughts in order to understand the concept. I am really afraid that I'll get bored with these types of books, so I forced myself to borrow some fancy books, any readings that are easy to be understood. :)

I hope, one day, when I have children, at least one of them will inherit my reading hobby,, hahahaha

Band-Aid Week

I've been using at least 3 band-aids every time I go outside or leave my apartment building since Monday. My old sandal needs to be replaced, but the new one hurts my feets!

Anyway, happy band-aid!

Hot... Hot.... Hot Day....

Ooh...
Pittsburgh's weather is really hot!!!!!!!!!!
I think my skin is getting darker than before... hahaha....
Also, my both feet are swollen due to new sandal and a lot of walking. T_T

Well, not much to say.. I'll fly home in less than 2 weeks.
I hope everything goes well.

Pittsburgh

Yes!
I'm in Pittsburgh now...
The weather is hot... ~90F
No furniture, only one study chair
You can dance in my living room
My rice cooker is completely broken after I shipped it through USPS
No electric stove,instead, I use gas stove
My bathroom is very small
I'm still waiting for my laptop's AC adapter
No Internet because of my adapter hasn't arrived yet
No TV
I burn more calories because I walk almost every day, and it's summer
I'm excited for Fall semester, yet I am nervous for the registration and field placement

So far, I'm still survived
I'll be fine when Fall semester starts

Fine Afternoon

I visited my friend this afternoon to ask some questions, but I ended up staying at her place for ~3.5 hrs. It went pretty smooth at the beginning because she explained every single detail to make sure that I understood the location and etc. Our conversation began to change right after I asked if she is ready to leave. I've never seen her shared her concerns and everything like that, but I neither stopped nor asked her. I led her to speak for the next 20 minutes, and I listened to her carefully. Later, she confessed somehow felt embarassed because she told everything to little girl (referred to me) and wondered if I understood her situation.

I convinced her that I understood and her situation was normal that everyone would experience it. I then helped her to clean the fish tank until about 4:30pm.. Technically it's not her fish tank, but she helped to clean, so I helped her too. I hope she will feel much better after that, and I hope that I don't give her unreasonable feedback.

That afternoon's conversation is still playing inside my head, and I don't know why.

I don't know...
My mind is blank right now...
hehehe...

LoOnggg

Ooh,,,
I've just found out that one of my bedroom's window screens is not properly attached to its frame. I tried to fix it,but it didn't work, so I decided to call maintenance. They then said that all technicians are busy today, so it will be fixed in the next few days...
My question: When are they going to fix it since I'll do my carpet cleaning on Tuesday (5/27)??

Next..
I've been waiting for a response from Upitt international adviser regarding my I-20. There is a minor mistake in my new I-20 because it is supposed to have a same SEVIS#, but the intl. adviser from ISU found out ~3.5 wks ago that it had different # from my previous I-20. She told me that the process only took 1-3 days, so I could do it later. Well... I didn't want to wait until June, so I contacted the immigration specialist in Upitt and haven't received any responses at all..
I sent 2 e-mails and called her. She wasn't in her office, so I left a message, gave her my cell phone#, but still no response. I am thinking to call her once again.. tomorrow...

I feel that today time goes really slow... I keep checking my watch, somehow expect that it's 1 pm already, but it's not...

12 Days to Pittsburgh

I cleaned my oven yesterday, put some spices inside tupperware, and removed some of the remaining clothes from closet to suitcase. Last time, I left some clothes in closet and kept the rest in suitcases, but as days passed, I decided to transfer more to another suitcase. I also felt that I was not in a mood to clean kitchen, but I can do it within 2 hours. My apartment is not a mess, so it should be easy to clean the whole apartment by Monday (5.26.08)

I am lately addicted to watch online Asia drama, probably I do it to kill my spare times, but I should stop this habit SOON.
Last night I ended up sleeping at 2 AM because I kept watching the drama. ^_^
I currently watch "It Started with a Kiss" (Taiwanese version), and it is really entertaining, even though I have to admit that I keep pointing why the relationship is breakdown easily. Earlier I thought this drama would be exactly same w/ the Japanese version, but they added more and extended the story like life after marriage. It was surprised me that I could pinpoint which parts of communication that didn't work, and more... I guess it is because I took family communication
class and other family classes during my last semester at Iowa State.

After all, it is a movie, not a real life. I am really afraid right now. I am afraid to move... 12 days left...

BlanK

I feel really lost today. The only time I left my apartment was to go to church, and the rest of it was at home watching online asian drama. Last night I couldn't sleep, so my mom called me. She was half freak out because I insisted that I still couldn't sleep despite it was 1:30am already. She asked what was going on in my head, and I said nothing. Yes, I lied to her, but I couldn't share my worries to her since she'd already had enough things going on.

2 weeks more, and I will leave Ames for real. I am scared, really scared, but I can't go back. Next Sunday will be busy for me because I will move all my stuff to my friend's apartment, and carpet cleaning is scheduled on Tuesday (5/27). A week after that is my departure to Pittsburgh. I also need to clean kitchen, 2 bathrooms, and etc.

Basically my mood is really not good today,,,, or I should say for past 3 days.
What kind of life will I have in Pittsburgh? I want to try something new. Last time, one of my friends told me that the first time she met me, she thought I was a girl who had just left old strict Catholic school... Hoh!
I admit that I tend to be quite when I am around people, but I can be as talkative as an anchor speaks in front of video camera when I know the people long enough. I can be as silly as any characters in cartoon movies when I need to act silly.

Oh... I guess that's all for now.
Happy Saturday!

Dag Dig Dug...

I am really nervous
nervous...
very very nervous..
*******************************************************************************
By the way, mediacom doesn't serve Pittsburgh area. That's weird,,, instead, they have comcast..
I'd already checked both the monthly and installation fees for Internet. This Internet stuff will cost me about $170 total, and the monhtly fee itself is about $68since I am a new customer.
I haven't decided if I need cable TV since it's not as urgent as Internet..
Does anyone know about HDTV? I heard that starting next year, they will implement this program, and I'm not quite understand how it works. When I checked comcast.com, they mentioned about addition equipment-I can't remember the name- to install the program..

Wrong Plan...

So..
I transferred $$ from one account to another one (different state), and I tried to avoid cost, so I did what the bank teller suggested me. At the end, I ended up paying more (the delivery fee) due to incorrect method and lack of knowledge... **Sigh** Next, I will have to keep my eye on the process, make sure that it will go as I expect.

2 weeks and 4 days left to Pittsburgh. I am getting panic and sad... I can't imagine my life in Pittsburgh, all alone... no my best friends and everything is new. I can only rely on myself and God's guidance. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I did was to check a calendar, and I inhaled deeply as I learned that I didn't have much times left.

I have finished packing 3 luggages so far, but I still have to pack the books, microwave, printer, and little things. I hope everything turns great **cross fingers**

Oh,, my,, oh,,,
I don't know what else I have to write...
I think that's all for today..

Bring Back Old Memories

Today is a graduation day, and I can't believe that 1 yr has already passed...I met my long lost friends, and I was happy to see that they looked nice and healthy.

In addition to that, my old memories suddenly came back, and those memories have been bothering me since yesterday. It was a mixed feeling, between happy,sad, and pain, particularly when I met one of my friends' parents. I knew that they were surprised to see me again because the last time I saw them was 5 yrs ago.I've been predicted that they would be a little bit shock when they saw me, so I'd already prepared for that. Part of my preparation was to give my best shot ever in front of them, and I hoped it worked well. There was such a long pause, memory,and things to be discussed, but I couldn't stand there for long time. We only chatted about 2-3 mins, and I left w/ my best friend to greet other graduates. Another reason that I couldn't stand there was because I wasn't ready to face someone. Occasionally, from long distance, when our eyes happened to catch each other, I gave them a warm smile, as a sign that I still respect them.

If time allows, I hope I can meet them once again before I leave for Pittsburgh. I don't think that's possible, but nobody knows. Right now, I feel sad, really sad, and how I wish that I could turn back time, to see if I could make any changes..

Spirit

If you wonder what kind of person I am, let me tell you that I am such a BIG WORRIED person. Followings are some real examples that keep running in my head over last 2 weeks:
I can't stop thinking what my life in Pittsburgh will look like.
I can't stop worrying, what if I don't get a field placement
I can't stop worrying, what if I don't meet the criteria and my scholarship will get suspended.
I can't stop worrying about my visa appointment.
I can't stop worrying, what if I don't fit into my new environment.
I can't stop worrying, what if my mom doesn't like my new studio.
I can't stop worrrying, what if I can't find a suitable workplace. A place where I truly belong to...

Those thoughts are really bothered my mind. I keep telling myself that I will be allright, try to assure myself that work life in Pittsburgh will be interesting.
I even convinced myself that I won't repeat the same mistake I made back when I was in undergraduate...
I can't turn back... the only thing I can do is to keep moving forward...
Let my dream come true... I am far away from what Mother Theresa has done to people, but let me be one of her followers. The follower who will not give up to support kids, adolescences and families. I always feel that I do these to make myself feel better.

4 weeks to Pittsburgh--

I am no longer working as a Youth Specialist effective May 1, 2008. I even can't say good bye to my workplace, therefore; I switch my position from full-time to volunteer during the month of May. I am going to miss my co-workers and workplace after May.

4 weeks from now, I will leave for Pittsburgh permanently, and I try to assure myself that I am going to be allright. Everything is ready, except my packing process, but I am sure it won't take a long time. I am scared to think how my life in Pittsburgh look like, given the fact that I have no one right there. When I came to Ames 5 yrs ago, I had 5 other people who came as a freshman at Iowa State. 4 people including me stayed at residence halls, and some of us had same classes. Thus, I didn't feel lost after all.

Now, I don't know whom I am going to meet, and I keep questioning how I am going to survive in graduate program. I know it's silly to think like that, but I can't deny that I am nervous w/ my life after Ames. Part of me convinced me that I'll be succeed in the program, and part of me questioned my abilities. This part reminded me that Pittsburgh is not Ames, the professors and curriculum won't be the same as the ones I had in Iowa State. The subject is not about Hotel and Food, it is about human and how we take care of them. Your classmates are professional people, cumlaude students, so you need to be careful. At the end, it seemed that this voice is getting stronger than before, and I started to lose my confidence. **Sigh..**

Well... today, one of our friends will go home for good, and we will accompany her to the airport.

I don't know what else to say... I am still speechless...

Have a great weekend!

UpdaTe

Hello again!

My apartment hunting in Pittsburgh was horrible, but I finally got one. The bad news, it is an expensive one, but I will explain why I come up w/ this particular apartment. I've just got the approval on Monday (4.21) after two days waiting.

Pittsburgh preserves its old buildings, so nearly all the apartment buildings are old. If you go to Iowa State and live in Ames, the buildings are similar to dorms in Richardson Court area such as, Linden Hall, BWR hall, Lyon Hall, and Oak-Elm. Some of the buildings in Pittsburgh even are older than the ones in Richardson Court!!!!!!

I landed on Sunday (April 30) evening, and I managed myself to check some areas behind campus. I found one that I didn't like, so I cancelled my appointment on that night. The next day, I had 4 different appointments and was not satisfied w/ all of them. I visited one apartment, modern building (not built from bricks), but it would cost me nearly $1000 including electric and Internet service. Thus, I didn't pursue it.

Tuesday was much better than Monday's apartment hunting. I visited 3 apartments, the first apartment was good, it is an efficiency, very bright, but no AC. I'll have to pay electric and Internet, and with the rent base, it will give me about $750-$780 per month. The 2nd apartment (under same property management) is a little bit nicer compare the first one, but the heater falls under electric bill, so total rent cost will range $850-$950 per month. Both of them are far from campus, you need to ride a bus, no shuttle buses from univ that will go to that area. The neighborhood is nice, too.
The third apartment is really really far from campus. It takes about 20 minutes (by bus) from apartment to campus area). My admission director helped me to schedule this apartment for me. Only SOcial WOrk grad program students who are allowed to stay in this apartment. The location is on the north side of Oakland (university area), and it belongs to Pittsburgh Theological Seminary. It is cheap, but it is far, so I can't handle it..

the fourth one, is way closer to campus, but not that close. I know it is complicated, but it is difficult to explain unless you see the actual university area in Pittsburgh..
The building is fairly new, not filthy... I have to pay my own electric and Internet, so total monthly rent $750-$850. The shuttle bus will pass that street.

By Wednesday morning, I said to myself that I will pick the one that is close to campus ($750-$850), if my appointment w/ one property management today doesn't go well. I only have one appointment on Wednesday, and won't be able to schedule another one for Thursday and Friday. My last appointment is nice, at least I was impressed from outside, and I learned about this building when I passed by the street. It took me forever to be able to speak w/ the consultant because the line is busy, or no one answered the phone.
The rent covers all utilities incl electric, so I only need to add Internet service. The total will fall somewhere $872. The shuttle bus goes to my street..

After thinking and thinking, I decided to take the last one. Most apartments that I like, the rent fee will fall about the same ($750-$860)Not until Monday that I learned that this apartment was confirmed.


I haven't told my Mom that I chose this one, because I couldn't get hold on her for a week. She took a group to one Asian country for 7 days...

ANyway, it was a long trip for me.... 6 days in Pittsburgh, all alone...
I was glad that I could go back to Ames. Life in Pittsburgh is not as easy as life in Ames...

When you don't travel back & forth from Indo-US....

I used to travel internationally every 6 mths, but I stopped doing that since July 2006. Thus, my frequent flyer program is dropped from Premium to General Member effective February 2008. :P
It is a sad thing, but there's not much I can do. I mean, I haven't been at home since Summer 2 yrs ago, and I couldn't go home while I was on duty here. Thus, I can't earn any privileges like economy plus seats and upgrade to business class. Anyway, I'll return home for vacation this coming Summer, but I am tempting to use another airline, and I am hoping that I can transfer my mileage from this flight to my current frequent flyer program since they are under Star Alliance partner.

Meanwhile, I will earn another 2000 miles by April 18, 08 because I had roundtrip domestic flight from Des Moines to Pittsburgh. I will earn another 1000 miles somewhere around May because I'll leave for Pittsburgh in May..
Hahaha... it is a lot of calculation, but I will see how far I can go to get back to premium status.. :)

Tomorrow is my departure to Pittsburgh. This time I will stay for 6 days, and I wish I could accomplish my goals during my visit at Pittsburgh.

p.s. It's snow in Ames right now.. How lame is that????

Between Happy and Sad....

I only have 5 work times left as a Youth Specialist. This morning one of my co-workers pushed me to tell everybody when my last day of work is, so I had no choice other than telling her that April 30 is my last day. I know that she is nervous because this means she has to work by herself after that. FYI, she used to work as a Flex, but she moved to regular schedule since March due to budget issue. Therefore, she works with me from Thursday until Saturday, and my supervisor removed the part-time who used to work w/ me around that time from the schedule.

After meeting, I spoke w/ both my director and supervisor that I will volunteer during the month of May (from Thursday to Friday) to cover the empty spot temporarily. I also told them that I will move to Pittsburgh in June and won't volunteer on full hours. I will just come from 3pm -8:30pm and help w/ group, recreation and free time. The decision whether a part-time will work on that part is up to my supervisor. Some of my co-workers said that I am crazy, but I know the feeling of working w/ no consistent partner, and I don't want my partner will feel that way. I will do the best to help them during that transition.

So, that's the mixed feeling that happened at work. Late afternoon, I learned that one of my best friends just got a job in Arkansas. I know that he has been waiting for the result since Saturday, and I know that he wants the job so bad. Thus, I am happy for him, but I cannot deny that I feel sad, somehow jealous that he gets a job. Suddenly, I feel that I am not going to see him because he will move to Arkansas in about 2 weeks. That means I return to Ames and he leaves for Arkansas. I also think that her girl friend will definitely go to see him right after the semester ends, and I'm not sure I can go w/ her because I have to pack my stuff, clean my apartment, and etc. Or, I should say, I am not sure she wants me to join her. Nobody knows.
The jealous part is arised because I will not get a monthly salary after April, and it reminds me of my job hunting moment. I was exhausted during job hunting and didn't get a full time job until October 2007. I did get a part-time job, though I worked like a full-time person, but still it was a part-time job. So, for about 20 minutes, I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be jealous because I will return to grad school, get a scholarship, a stipend, and my univ is one of the top grad schools in the social work program. Moreover, I get all kudos from my work friends, ex-college friends, ex- professors, and even from the director of the program. Thus, there's no reason to be jealous. Or, I probably have a mixed feeling between jealous and afraid. I am afraid that I'm not be able to hang out w/ my friends during the month of May, and I am afraid that everybody will leave before I am gone for Pittsburgh. I really don't know what's going on w/ me.

Then, despite all those terrible feeling, my roommate will move out from my apartment by April 20. That means, I have to pay the May rent plus the utilities by myself. I asked her about carpet cleaning, and she said that she is going to reimburse for 1/3 of the total cost of carpet cleaning. The reason she is going to pay 1/3 is because she moved to my apartment on Jan 14 this year. I am thinking to not charge her at all since I feel uneasy w/ money discussion. Somehow, I expected her to pay full rent fee for APril, but she only paid me for 20 days rent considering that she will move on April 20. Sigh...

Well, I expect that I will feel better after writing this blog, but I apparently still feel terrible. For sure, I feel sad at this time, really sad.

Workaholic

Hoh!
I worked 7 days in a row this week, 50.5 hrs up to Friday night, and I will end up working 60hrs by Saturday night (3.29).

Last night was the crazy time I ever had in my work history at shelter. My work partner had to take 1 client to hospital, and they left about 6pm, didn't return until midnight. Thus, I had to take care of 10 clients, 2 volunteers from 4-6pm, and one part time came to help me at 6pm.
These 10 clients are very active and hyper, with one of them needs to get special attention, and this doesn't include answering incoming calls from parents who need helps. Next, I had family visited a kid in shelter and needed to check their IDs, monitored kids who played in the living room from office. I kept putting parents on hold because I had to confront kids of what they were doing in the living room, and I was sure that they could hear my voice from the phone.

1 out of 2 volunteers left close before 8pm, so that left me w/ 10 clients, 1 brand-new volunteer, and 1 part time. In between that time, I organized meds, printed the forms,talked w/ parents for placing their kids at shelter, talked w/ my client, dispensed bedtime meds, and called my on-call supervisor for some issues. By 8:35pm, I had my part-time to take all clients for evening snack, explained what kind of snacks they could have, told her clients who were eligible for special snack, and was still stuck w/ phone calls. 8:50pm- I told all kids to go upstairs, got ready for bedtime, told them to be quiet because I had works to do.
9pm-I called 1 parent, told her what my supervisor said, then she decided to place her kid at shelter. She said that she would be in shelter in 15 minutes. My part time then left shelter in a rush including the brand-new volunteer, so I had to take care all clients by myself. The house alarm was already on, but I couldn't do 1st bedcheck until 9:15pm.
9:30pm- New intake came, my work-partner called from hospital, told me that she was still stuck in the hospital, and I ended up telling her that I couldn't talk to her. She then called bunch of PRNs to see if one of them could come to shelter to help me. By 10pm, I took new client to his room, taught him how to make his bed, and another part-time came to help me.

Around 10pm, another phone call from parent who had issues w/ his daughter, so he wanted to place her daughter back to shelter. I tempted to say "We are full now," but I dropped my evil thought. I told him that I still had 1 bed open, but she had to share a room w/ someone else, asked if that's okay. He agreed, so by 10:45pm another intake arrived. I did quick paperwork and had a part-time to take her to bedroom.

After that, I started to finish little things that couldn't be done during evening time. Night Manager arrived at 11 pm, and I updated him, asked him to repeat what he wrote on his notes because my brain was full. I kept working w/ all forms, continued logging, and updated him for info that I forgot to tell him. I then apologized to my co-workers because my sentences were kind of messed up. I was really overwhelmed, lots of things needed to be done, so I talked fast, and I carried accent w/ me, so they needed to customize their listening skills during that time. They laughed when they heard my comments. Anyway, I left shelter at 1 AM, my work-partner arrived around midnight, she updated parent, finished important parts for her report,complained to me that she had a rough night, too.

I feel that I should get paid more than what engineers receive each month. In between my work stress, I admitted that this society is in a wreck condition. Lack of parenting skills, lack of commitment, and one thing that bothered me so much was watching kids with mental disorders. I am really sad to see that reality, don't know what else I can do. I keep asking myself, how are we going to cure or improve our society? Should I cure them? How am I going to fix them? Will I see these patterns in my home country?

Easter is coming!

Hi!

Not much to say, other than I am quite excited for my weekend! At the same time, I am counting my days to Pittsburgh. I will be sad because my close friends will not be there, so I don't know what I will do when I feel bored or lonely.
I've just sent two e-mails to my close professors, to let them know my plan for Fall. It is my fortunate to know them in person. :)

Last weekend, I happened to think what my parent will react, if I tell them that I'm not going back this summer. I'll just stay in the United States until at the end of this year, then reapply my student visa on December or January 2009. I know it's risky to do that, but the situation that happens at home right now is not good. I don't know, but I probably will go home and deal w/ the situation.

What else?? Today's weather is nice, and I cross my fingers that no more snow.

Thank you for stopping by! Take care!

Not again!

Last night, I did an intake for new client (parent placement) and was put in a situation where Mom and Dad weren't on the same page. I wanted to be a neutral person, so I tried my best to respond Dad's complaint, and at the same time, I wanted to respect Mom's decision, too. I finally could end the conversation w/ Dad, and I had to update my co-worker while I finished logging within short amount of time. My roommate was in the parking lot, waited for me, and I didn't want her to wait long. After that, I told myself that I needed to consult w/ my supervisor when she is in the office.

I thought I could go to bed right away, but I didn't because my Mom called me. Well, She texted me, asked if I was available, and I knew that something not right happened, so I led her to call me. We then talked for about 25 minutes, and she ended the phone because my aunt called her. It wasn't a good conversation. I felt overwhelmed throughout the conversation, didn't want to listen, but I had to. She texted me again after she finished talking w/ her sister, and I replied her SMS. She didn't respond after all, and she probably wasn't satisfied w/ my response. Well, I'll see what she is going to say when she calls me this weekend.

Despite all issues I faced both from my own family and client's family, I got pretty good news from one of the graduate schools I applied last time. I submitted my application for COlumbia University School of SOcial WOrk, but I didn't want to submit my latest TOEFL score, so I thought they would drop my application. Last night, I checked my e-mail and saw an e-mail from Columbia. I expected to see "We regret to inform you..." instead, I read "Congratulations, you've been accepted at..."
That was unbelieveable because they finally evaluated my essay, even though I didn't turn in my TOEFL score. I understand that Columbia is a prestigious university, but I am not going to Columbia because they don't offer any scholarships for Master degree student, and the living cost plus tuition is VERY expensive. I can't afford it,and I can't imagine that I am staying in New York. Thus, I will just let that good news sit nicely. I am still happy though! I learn that I have good qualities. this letter will motivate me to keep moving forward, to not give up. I will tell my professors once I heard news from Univ of Chicago. I don't tell my mom because I don't think she is interested in hearing that I am accepted at Columbia University.

Marchhh....

Hello again!

I am quite happy with the weather,,,, 54F for 2 days in a row. :)
However, I am getting nervous as March will end in 2 weeks because I am not ready to move to Pittsburgh. I don't know how my days look like in Pittsburgh. No best friends, and everything is new! I've been decided that I am going to Pittsburgh for graduate school, even though Washington Univ in St. Louis accepted me, too. Not sure w/ the Univ. of Chicago, but let's forget about that.

In regard to my current job, I have been spending less time in shelter lately. I didn't work full 12 hrs on Saturday last week, and I would continue to do it until next week. I'll take 4 days off next month because I'm going back to Pittsburgh for 7days, so you can tell that I am gone for a while.. I'll turn in my resignation in mid April, and this is going to be the tough one because I love my workplace, but I am stuck w/ my working permit and moving stuff.

Well, that's all I have at this point. My brain has been filled w/ moving-related-topics like, searching for apartment, closing/opening bank account, booking for an airplane ticket, waiting for new I-20, applying for new student visa, and worrying about home.

Syndrome...

UUurrgggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lately want to leave my shift as early as I can, and this becomes my current syndrome every time I come to work. I don't know why, but I just want to go home 2-3 hrs earlier from my original schedule. The funny thing is that I don't want to take the whole day off!!

I also try at best to squeeze my schedule so that I can visit my girl friend's place. I couldn't go to her place for various reasons, like work-school schedule, snow storm, and other little things. I am counting my days beginning March 1, and it makes me upset if I can't spend some times w/ her and her boyfriend. I will be busy moving and doing things related to my grad school in the next 2 months. @_@

News for grad school??
I got another acceptance letter from Washington University in St. Louis. They sent the acceptance letter online, and I closed my eyes right before the screen popped up. :P
However, I place my decision to Pittsburgh (at this time), but I may change my mind.. I haven't heard anything from Univ of Chicago, so we will see...

Pittsburgh is a complicated place for me. :) I chose to move to this city long before I graduated from ISU. I planned to get a job there, so I applied for residential treatment as well as hotel jobs in Pittsburgh. I chose this particular city for a funny reason that I couldn't share w/ you. Things happened from that time until after I graduated from ISU. I decided to go to grad school on Nov 2007 and relied on US News report grad school magazine as a resource to apply for schools. Univ of Pittsburgh is shown on the top 20 best social work graduate program, and I thought it was a perfect match. :)
Next, you know what's going on after that... :)

I don't know what I am doing...
People say that I am a strong girl, very brave, despite the fact that I like to share my worries to my co-workers and best friends. I am truly a complicated person.. hahaha...
SOme of them also say that I will be a good mom. I guess it has to do w/ my current job...

see Yaa.. I will get ready for work.

^_^

Saddd...

I am really sad right now.
I don't know how I should explain it.
For sure, it has nothing to do w/ school or work.
It's complicated, and I am scared.

I've got a mail!

^_^ finally, the mail I've been waiting for a week arrived in my mailbox yesterday.
It's from the University of Pittsburgh, and it's all about scholarship stuff. They give me a scholarship plus stipend w/ a condition that I have to maintain at least 3.00 GPA by the end of academic year, earn at least B for required courses and S for field placement, and take at least 15 credits per semester. If I can maintain all of those conditions, they will keep my scholarship and stipend for another year.

I am satisfied w/ the amount of money they give it to me, but I am a little bit nervous w/ the requirements. I know my abilities well, but I am still scared because this time, I talk about graduate program, not undergraduate. The school itself is a reputable university, and their social work program was listed on the "US News,World& Report" top graduate schools. @_@ I couldn't sleep last night because of that mixed feelings, despite the fact that I wanted to sleep so badly. :(

Today, I work morning, during super chores,so I should be at home by 1:30pm. I am tempted to take the whole day off, but I dropped my thought. I'll back to Pittsburgh on April, and I probably will take 3 days off in a row,so I want to make sure that I have plenty workload hours to cover those 3 absent days.

Did I tell you that I had trainings, two days in a row from 9-4pm and went to work until 11pm? The training was about de-escalation, restraint, and healthy positive relationships. Yesterday, we learned how to restraint people in the safe and appropriate ways. The funny part was I asked the instructor what happened if I have issues w/ touching. It's okay if people touch my shoulder and elbow, but I'll shock or feel not comfortable when they touch my hip. The instructor said I had to do it because I had to pass the practice exam for my certification. :(
Luckily, I had two co-workers attended the training w/ me, so I practiced w/ them.
I'll miss all trainings when I leave my job by the end of April... They offered good trainings, and these trainings benefited me.

I've got to get ready for work,,,
Thanks and Happy Saturday!

p.s. my roommate is kind of excited today because we may go somewhere for fun. Her best friend is out of town, and she has nothing to do. Fortunately, I take half-day off, so we can do something. If time allows, I'll stop by at my girl friend's apartment this evening. I'll surprise her. :)

Tick..Tick..tiCking...

February will end soon, and I only have two months left before I move to another state. I'll be sad because I have to leave both my best friends and workplace. On the other hand, I'm excited to start my journey in a different city 6 mths from now. Pittsburgh seems to be the city I'm going to at this moment, but I don't know if I change my mind.

My roommate mentioned something on Sunday, and her comments really hit me. She said that it seemed to her that I wasn't really an outgoing person, and I enjoyed to do things by myself. However, she then stated that it was probably my work schedule that limited my abilities to hang out w/ friends on weekend. Sunday is not the best day to hang out w/ friends considering that most of them are in school, so Sunday is a time for them to finish homework and projects. I admit that I'm not very talkative in public, especially if I don't know the people well, and it seems that I tend to have a few friend w/ longer commitment. What I try to say is that I am able to keep my friendship w/ them for a long period of time.
The most common comment I hear from my friend is that I am a thoughtful person. Hahaha... I don't know why, but this is what most of them tell me..

Anyway, I will take half day off this upcoming Saturday, so I am hoping to use my spare time to mingle w/ my friends. I was able to meet some of them on Sunday after church, and another one on Monday night. It was short, but that was good enough for me. I could eat w/ them, go to grocery store together, and chat w/ them. I got a lovely hug from some of them, too, and those hugs meant so much for me. Hehehe..

Ok, I've got to go...

Mail...Mail...Mail...

I've been constantly checking my mailbox for past three days and would be upset if I didn't see anything in my mailbox. I'm waiting for letters from three universities w/ two different reasons. I want to know whether I am accepted at the Univ of Chicago or not, and this applies to my application at the Washington Univ, too. I also wait for my scholarship letter from the Univ of Pittsburgh to ensure that I heard the news correctly.

I was excited to see a USPS car outside my apartment building, but was dissapointed when I didn't see a letter from any universities. I got something, but it had nothing to do w/ universities. People may think that Univ of Pittsburgh gives me quick response, but it's actually not. My application was marked as "early consideration" w/ Jan 1 as the due date, and I really wanted to go to Univ of Pittsburgh at that time, so I rushed my references to catch the dateline. It took about two weeks for them to evaluate my essay, transcript, and resume, but it took a longer time to decide whether you are eligible for scholarship or not.

On the other hand, other universities like Univ of Chicago and Washington, take nearly 7-8 weeks to evaluate everything, but they will give you both the acceptance and scholarship notifications at the same time. At the end, the wait-time for Univ of Pittsburgh is about the same w/ the wait-time for other universities. I guess I'll wait and keep checking my mailbox...

@_@

Hate Snow!!

Today's weather was really bad. We had a heavy snow blizzard w/ 2-3inches of snow...
Spring, please come ASAP!!! I am enough w/ snow..

Despite of the unfriendly weather we had this morning, I still managed to go to church and ate lunch w/ my friends. We went to Dublin Bay, an Irish restaurant which is located on East side of Ames. I've never visited the place before, thus, this place was totally new for me. I ordered a Crabcake Benedict (brunch menu), and it consisted of two english muffins topped w/ crabcakes and poached eggs. In addition to that, I got 1 slice of soda bread and potatoes. We then ordered a dessert (ice cream) w/ coffee flavors, served w/ whipped topping, chocolate syrup, and oreo cookies. Nice dessert w/ perfect portion because we shared the ice cream. :)

Good day overall.

I get to go.. I am dizzy now.. urgh..

BluE ThuRsdAy

HellO, and Happy 'late' Valentine!

My agenda on Valentine's day:
- African American Culture training 9-12:15pm
- Work until 11 pm,spend my times w/ my thirteen-years-old client before he leaves for foster care this morning.
- Clean intake office, do other household tasks in shelter, and chat w/ my colleagues.
-Overall, I have 14 hrs of work on Valentine's day. :)

We only have 2 clients in shelter, and this number will reduce to one after 2 pm on Friday. This is the first time in our history that we only have 2 clients in shelter, and we assumme that it has to do w/ the Department of Human Services (DHS)' new policy. There is a rumor that DHS tries to avoid shelter and wants to put kids/adolescents to foster care system. As I told you earlier, our shelter is a temporary placement for kids and adolescents before they are sent to their residential treatment program. DHS eventually wants to save money by sending kids to foster care system instead of treatment services.

Our director and CEO are currently working on this issue w/ the legislation to save our shelter. They told staff during meeting on Wednesday that shelter won't be closed, and they've never thought about that. I am hoping that we can get at least parent placement kids over the weekend.Anyway, I will let them (YSS CEO+ RDS director) to work on that legal part, and I hope they will bring a good news for us.

My younger client insisted that I had to go shoveling w/ him yesterday afternoon. FYI, the weather was cold, windy, and snowing!! I decided to accompany him and use my time to play w/ the snow. My client saw me, and he told me that I cracked him up, funny. :P
I wanted to spend my times w/ him as much as I could since he will be going to foster care on Friday (2/15). I am going to miss him regardless of his bad outburst and swing mood, in which these behaviors will trigger him to tear the house apart.

@_@

We lose reliance on our own wills and learn to behave in ways that are perhaps foreign to our wild selves, but we get the hand of the living God who promises never to burden us w/ any weight we cannot handle. (Steve Givens)

I've been reading "Living Faith" for almost a year as a way to keep my sanity. It is kind of a reflection book, in which every reading is connected to the Bible. I was stressed out w/ job hunting and family issue after my graduation until I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Everything seemed to be wrong, and I ended up crying almost every night.
At the end, I realize that studying in the United States makes me closer to God.

So, what's the point I mention all of those stories?
I need an answer, but I can't find it. I am afraid to make a decision because I am afraid that I will fail again. I am standing in intersection with "school" on my left side and "work" on my right side. I have to choose which universities I will go, and I can't deny that I wonder how my interview w/ Hyatt goes. It is true that I want to keep working w/ children, youths, and family, but I also want to know whether I pass the interview or not.
The dateline for Univ of Pittsburgh is Friday (Feb 16), and they will drop my application if I don't pay the deposit fee. I won't get the scholarship notification until next week. On the other hand, the univ of Chicago won't announce both the acceptance and scholarship notifications until early March. My time is ticking, and I need to move on and think fast.
Another consideration is that I am responsible to every action I make. It involves money in some way, and I want to ensure that I use my money wisely.

I finally sent the acceptance form w/ the deposit check to Univ of Pittsburgh before I went to staff meeting this morning. I will just figure out later, if I decide to go for something else.

After Trips-

Hello again!

My four days getaways ended this morning at Des Moines Intl Airport. I woke up at 4 am to get ready for my 6 am flight. The bad thing is that tomorrow is my turn to work until 11pm T_T, and I'm not happy about that.

How should I say about my getaways?
I enjoyed my adventurous trips to Pittsburgh and Chicago, even though my first flight on Friday (12/8) was delayed which led me to miss the next flight, and I finally had to reschedule my interview. I was supposed to be there by 2 pm, but I ended up having my interview at 4:15pm. The interview lasted for 1.5 hrs, and I went to hotel right away, which took another 40 minutes.

Pittsburgh has a lot of (very) old Victorian style buildings w/ mountainous landscape. The easy way to picturize Pittsburgh in your mind is by combining San Francisco and Rome (or other related European countries). Oakland is known as the university area, and the university buildings are scattered accross the area. CMU(Carnegie Mellon Univ) is in Oakland, too. They have pretty good public transportation, so I am happy about that. By the way, I almost lost in downtown because I couldn't find the right bus stop to go back to Oakland.

I kept asking myself what I really want throughout my stay in Pittsburgh. My interview w/ Hyatt Regency went pretty well, and they'd already known about my status. However, I don't think they know that my OPT will last soon :P.
The director asked if I liked Pittsburgh or not, and I couldn't answer it because I have never been to Pittsburgh before. He told me that he wanted to make sure that I had perfect balance between work and personal life. Hahaha... funny.

Let's move to Chicago part..
Special thanks to my college friends because I could stay in their apartment for 2 nights. The univ of Chicago is located on down south of Chicago, while their apartment is on north side. :)
I only visited the School of Social Service building due to cold weather. The architecture of the buildings is similar to the one here at ISU. This time, I got the opportunity to sit in the class for 1.5 hrs, a plus experience, I guess. The sad thing is that I won't get the result until early March. It takes 6-8wks for them to evaluate my statement and everything, while the Univ of Pittsburgh only takes 1 week to evaluate my statement. Moreover, I need to turn in the deposit fee for Pittsburgh by the end of this week, and I haven't done it..

I really don't know which school I should go. Both of them are good universities. I have friends in Chicago, so I should be okay if I move there. On the other hand, I don't know anyone in Pittsburgh, so I have to move and do everything by myself. My roommate suggests me to move to Pittsburgh after I shared my stories and showed her couple maps and brochures.

OOh...
I don't know what I should do..

Histeric Client---

Again, one of my clients screamed in front of me just because we (staff) didn't give her a razor. Her behaviors were HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!
She yelled, cursed, and all things you could name. I didn't watch my tone when I spoke w/ her, and I didn't care because she was out of control. I told her that whatever she did, I wouldn't grant her wishes. Last night, she broke our phone, purposely dumped water on floor, and cursed at anyone in the house. Once she was out from shower, she started to argue again because I didn't give her a pair of sock that she liked. She wanted the ankle one, but I gave her the long sock, and I insisted that she had to wear one because the weather was cold. I told her that she could fold the sock, and it would be okay. I convinced her that it would take less than a minute to do it, and she agreed. She suddenly was able to calm herself, and I finally could talk to her w/o having her yelled back at me.

I told her that her behaviors were not acceptable. She claimed that her friends didn't respect her, and I said it was because she didn't respect herself. I convinced her that people would treat her nice, if she acted nicely too. She then said I reminded her of her mom. Her mom used to say the same thing, so I told her that she should do what her mom asked her to do.

Anyway, it was a long morning. The house environment wasn't good, and all clients knew that. I don't know what she is going to do tonight, but I hope she won't make any trouble. No wonder my headache is coming back.


That's all I have for today.


*_*

aargh...

Have you ever dealt w/ mental retarded kids or any kids who have serious behavioral issues?
Can you imagine that no matter how hard you try to explain, this kid won't get it?

I am currently dealing w/ a thirteen yrs old boy who has a five yrs old's mental capabilities. He is physically fine, but you will notice that something wrong w/ him when you talk to him. This boy'll get frustated easily and is very sensitive. He demands one-on-one attention, and you won't be able to multitask when he is around you.
The hardest part is that you can't scream and tell him that he is stupid or idiot because it will tear him apart. You also can't tell other clients that he is DIFFERENT from other normal kids in his age because of privacy issue.

Ooohhhh.............
The saddest part is his parents don't want him to come home. :(

Not Sure Where I am going---

I am done w/ both the graduate school applications and Golden Key Scholarship submissions. Mid-February is the earliest time I'll get the result, while the GK scholarship won't be announced until July 2008.

Now, in the middle of submitting grad school applications, I got an e-mail from Hyatt Regency Pittsburgh about their internship program (8-12 mths). I almost forgot that I happened to send a lot of applications within Hyatt properties, and I couldn't count how many times they rejected my applications. This time, they actually want to interview me for internship position, and I decide to accept their invitation. I have one full-time job in my hand, so it's not going to hurt me if they don't want to take me. I also want to know how far I can move in terms of the selection process because I haven't done any interviews for past 5 mths. :)

Thus, the phone interview is scheduled this morning, Jan 21 between 10-noon. I ended up half sleepy because I didn't know when they would call me. I thought the HR coordinator would interview me, but it was the Director of Room Operations who called me. He basically explained the program, asked me if I had any preferences (F&Bs or Rooms), and few questions like how I dealt w/ difficult customers. It seems to me that he wants me to know everything in front before he moves to the actual interview. I also asked him if there's any second interview (if I am passed the firs one) and he said yes. He definitely wants to meet and talk to me in person before he makes a decision. Not sure how, but I ended up making a "deal" w/ him before he ended the interview.

The "deal" is that I'm going to meet him on Feb 8 at 2 PM at Hyatt Regency after I told him that I would go to Pittsburgh on February, and if possible, I would like to visit Hyatt Regency. He was curious w/ the purpose of my trip to Pittsburgh, so he asked if I would have any interviews or whatever. I then told him that I would attend the info session at Univ of Pittsburgh on Saturday (Feb 9), and he didn't know that I haven't done any job searchings for a long time. :P

I suddenly feel that my future is not clear again. At the same time, I recognize that God has his own way for me, and I don't know where he will take me. Everything happens so quick that I don't have time to pause or rewind that particular scene. The same thing happened when I moved to a new apartment w/ Syl 7 mths ago. I didn't know where I would go, a little bit hesitated to move to Chicago right away w/ no job offer on hand, and Syl suddenly found a place for both of us. I was thinking to go to culinary school or grad school for Spring 2008, but I got a job offer from shelter. Those life scene happened outside my original plan. I, of course, thanked God for his kindness to me. I also thank him for my days at shelter, my co-workers who spoil me, and the social supports that I received from my professors as well as my best friends here in Ames. My parents' prayers also contribute to what I've been achieved until this time.

My time is ticking, four months from now, my OPT is expired. I will have to leave the United States by July 6, 08. I plan to go home, organize my new bedroom, celebrate my birthday at home, reapply visa for grad school, and etc. Again, I plan everythig in detail, but it seems that I am going to screw up my original plan w/ Hyatt stuff.
Let see how my meeting w/ Hyatt Pittsburgh goes. I can't say much at this time, but I can't deny that I am nervous again.

Okay, that's all I have.
See yaa,,

Hectic time--

I've just paid my graduation application fee for Univ of Chicago.
I finally made it after chasing my references to submit their recommendation letter and finishing all required essays for past two weeks. It was crazy and almost thought that I wouldn't make it. I then called the university admission department to check if they got everything they needed, and they told me that they haven't made a file for me because I've just paid my application fee today. They advised me to call back by the end of this week, but the dateline is tomorrow.. Hahaha... I don't know how this will go.

I originally didn't intend to apply at Univ of Chicago, but I changed my mind because Chicago would be a great place to work w/ youths and families from different cultures. Thus, I will be able to get in touch w/ different organizations for future practicums or related internship easily. Another consideration is the location that allows me to travel to Ames and convenient international flight.
My best friends and shelter(work place) are still in Ames, so I definitely want to visit them if I have time. I also have couple college friends who currently reside in Chicago, so I can ask them to help me for apartment and other stuff that I don't know.

I will go to Pittsburgh on Feb 8-Feb 10 to attend information session on Feb 9 (Saturday). They have same date and time w/ University of Chicago for info session, but I'll go for Univ of Pittsburgh first and ask for individual visit for Chicago.
I guess I will travel alone this time, but it should be fun. :)
I choose Pittsburgh for personal reason. :) The university is not that bad, their social work program is ranked #16 (US News & Report, while Univ of Chicago is ranked #5.. hahahaha...
However, I probably can graduate w/ distinction or even cumlaude, if I go for Pittsburgh because the ave GPA is 3.5. :)
I guess, I will have to wait the final result. I've been asking God to show me which road He wants me to go. If the final answer is to go home, I will go home-means Indo. It will be hard, but I understand His choice will be the best one. :)

Ok...
talk to you later..

-W-

FIshy...fishy....

I got a fish from my colleague on Saturday. She provided me w/ the jar, fish food, and decoration, in addition to the fish. I thought she brought fish for shelter because she likes to bring stuff for kids. It turned out she brought that fish for me because she thought I wouldn't be so lonely if I had fish at home. She also mentioned that she almost bought a puppy for me...
hahahaha...

Unfortunately, the fish was a little bit sick when my colleague transferred him to the jar. I went home early on Saturday night, so I asked my best friends to help me w/ the fish. She taught me how to change the water, put aquasafe, and etc. She concerned w/ the fish because it looked like he would die in 5 minutes. hahaha...
Anyway, the fish is really died on Sunday morning. :(
My colleague told me that I could return it to the store and got a new fish. I agreed due to she had a thoughtful gift idea for me.. so I should try to have a fish..

What else??
Oh, I went to a Korean store near CubFood w/ my friends and was excited because I found green tea mochi ice cream. I then picked that stuff w/o second thought, but the owner told me that I couldn't buy that mochi ice cream. She told me that the ice cream wasn't in a good condition, not safe to be eaten, and she wasn't sure when she would get new mochi ice cream again...
huhuhuhuhu....

I guess that's all I have for now..
I may continue to write some other stories later today...

Super Early Morning...

I couldn't sleep.
I have been thinking about stuff, ranging from work to personal life.
Finally, I decided to turn my bedroom's light on again because my brain wouldn't let me to get a rest.

By the way, I made my day at shelter. My colleague knew that I didn't look forward to working, so she told my other colleagues about that. I was surprised that my day manager was investigating on some issues after part-time staff told him that she heard two male clients talked how they weren't happy w/ my shelter. I think I will have an interesting staff meeting next week (if my day manager brings that particular issues to the meeting). I had a little chat w/ him before he left for home. He had a vacation last week, so he stayed late to catch up everything. I then mentioned to him that this was the first time I didn't want to go to work. I told him that I didn't have that feeling before. He told me that he used to have that kind of feelings long time ago.

He then asked how my Christmas went. I told him that I didn't have a good Christmas, which was true. I cried a lot prior to CHristmas, and I even cried the whole day one day after Christmas. My roommate left for good, my Mom called me, and it was a bad phone call. I couldn't help it, cried on the way home. I was pretending that everything was fine, hid it from my friends so that they didn't know how terrible I was. He felt sorry to me, and I thanked him for his time.

Okay, back to shelter... I was fortunate enough that kids weren't that bad tonight. I was really quiet,hesitated to initiate a conversation w/ them, but we had a little chat after that. I was praying that everything would be fine for the rest of the week. **cross fingers**

I also chatted w/ our night manager before I left for home, asked if it was true that he applied for grad school. He told me that he applied several universities in California. I was surprised when he told me that he was going to social work, too. I thought he would go for psychology, since he had a background in Psych. I then told him that I applied for social work program, but I was spreading my applications from midwest to east coast. :)
He told me that he would leave our shelter at the end of Summer, while I would leave shelter around late April. I was kind of worried w/ my supervisor. I hope she could find good candidates to take our spots (night manager and Youth Specialist-reg)

Well,,, I guess I will have to sleep...
I need to work again tomorrow...
I still don't want to go there, but I have lots of things that need to be done.

-W-

2 hours to my work shift--

I complain a lot about my clients at shelter, but I seldom say that I don't want to go to work. This time, I am not in a good mood to go to work, and I really don't want to go there. Funny, unbelievable I guess..

Unfortunately, I need more work hours, so that I can get a time-off. What I mean is I plan to visit up to 3 cities next month, so I have to make sure that I have enough hours to make my holiday. I plan to visit Pittsburgh, New York (if possible), and Chicago from Feb 9-12. That means I need to take a whole day off on Saturday, and I have to make sure that I save a lot of hours during the month of January.
The problem is I am so tempting to take half day off this upcoming Saturday, but I think I shouldn't do that.

Okay, enough for my work and holiday issues. Let's talk about a surprise SMS from my old friend that I got this morning.
My old friend from Singapore sent me messages, asked my opinion about her wedding plan. I don't know why she asks me, but I have to reply her SMS because I am sure she is waiting for my response.
She is a Malaysian who is working in S'pore. I met her when I did my 3 mths training at Le Meridien Hotel, S'pore. Her boyfriend is a Balinese, and they have been dating for about 3.5 years. Her boyfriend used to be a hospitality student like me, and he did a 6 mth training in one of the restaurants in S'pore. They met and have been doing a long distance relationship for about 2 or 3 years. My friend has visited him in Bali couple times, and recently her boyfriend asked her to get married.

It seems that her boyfriend wants her to move to Bali, and this means she needs to change her nationality from Malaysian to Indonesia. Her boyfriend is currently jobless, but he has a new home in Bali. Weird...
Her brother didn't approve her relationship due to different nationality, lack of financial support, and other related issues. Thus, she asked my opinion, or at least, she expected me to give another perspective.

I advised her to postpone her wedding plan for another year. I told her that she and her boyfriend need to save money first, before they get married and have kids. I also informed her that the living expenses in Bali are quite high, so she needs to have at least extra savings for her own life. She hasn't replied my SMS yet, but I hope she could make a wise decision.

I am currently enjoying my single life, but I've been starting to have my own saving account since my senior year at Iowa State because I want to have my own condo ^_^. I felt regret though, because I could have a lot of $$ on my account if I started early. :P

Anyway, I wish her luck, and I have to get ready..

Ciao..