Between Happy and Sad....

I only have 5 work times left as a Youth Specialist. This morning one of my co-workers pushed me to tell everybody when my last day of work is, so I had no choice other than telling her that April 30 is my last day. I know that she is nervous because this means she has to work by herself after that. FYI, she used to work as a Flex, but she moved to regular schedule since March due to budget issue. Therefore, she works with me from Thursday until Saturday, and my supervisor removed the part-time who used to work w/ me around that time from the schedule.

After meeting, I spoke w/ both my director and supervisor that I will volunteer during the month of May (from Thursday to Friday) to cover the empty spot temporarily. I also told them that I will move to Pittsburgh in June and won't volunteer on full hours. I will just come from 3pm -8:30pm and help w/ group, recreation and free time. The decision whether a part-time will work on that part is up to my supervisor. Some of my co-workers said that I am crazy, but I know the feeling of working w/ no consistent partner, and I don't want my partner will feel that way. I will do the best to help them during that transition.

So, that's the mixed feeling that happened at work. Late afternoon, I learned that one of my best friends just got a job in Arkansas. I know that he has been waiting for the result since Saturday, and I know that he wants the job so bad. Thus, I am happy for him, but I cannot deny that I feel sad, somehow jealous that he gets a job. Suddenly, I feel that I am not going to see him because he will move to Arkansas in about 2 weeks. That means I return to Ames and he leaves for Arkansas. I also think that her girl friend will definitely go to see him right after the semester ends, and I'm not sure I can go w/ her because I have to pack my stuff, clean my apartment, and etc. Or, I should say, I am not sure she wants me to join her. Nobody knows.
The jealous part is arised because I will not get a monthly salary after April, and it reminds me of my job hunting moment. I was exhausted during job hunting and didn't get a full time job until October 2007. I did get a part-time job, though I worked like a full-time person, but still it was a part-time job. So, for about 20 minutes, I keep telling myself that I shouldn't be jealous because I will return to grad school, get a scholarship, a stipend, and my univ is one of the top grad schools in the social work program. Moreover, I get all kudos from my work friends, ex-college friends, ex- professors, and even from the director of the program. Thus, there's no reason to be jealous. Or, I probably have a mixed feeling between jealous and afraid. I am afraid that I'm not be able to hang out w/ my friends during the month of May, and I am afraid that everybody will leave before I am gone for Pittsburgh. I really don't know what's going on w/ me.

Then, despite all those terrible feeling, my roommate will move out from my apartment by April 20. That means, I have to pay the May rent plus the utilities by myself. I asked her about carpet cleaning, and she said that she is going to reimburse for 1/3 of the total cost of carpet cleaning. The reason she is going to pay 1/3 is because she moved to my apartment on Jan 14 this year. I am thinking to not charge her at all since I feel uneasy w/ money discussion. Somehow, I expected her to pay full rent fee for APril, but she only paid me for 20 days rent considering that she will move on April 20. Sigh...

Well, I expect that I will feel better after writing this blog, but I apparently still feel terrible. For sure, I feel sad at this time, really sad.