Syndrome...

UUurrgggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I lately want to leave my shift as early as I can, and this becomes my current syndrome every time I come to work. I don't know why, but I just want to go home 2-3 hrs earlier from my original schedule. The funny thing is that I don't want to take the whole day off!!

I also try at best to squeeze my schedule so that I can visit my girl friend's place. I couldn't go to her place for various reasons, like work-school schedule, snow storm, and other little things. I am counting my days beginning March 1, and it makes me upset if I can't spend some times w/ her and her boyfriend. I will be busy moving and doing things related to my grad school in the next 2 months. @_@

News for grad school??
I got another acceptance letter from Washington University in St. Louis. They sent the acceptance letter online, and I closed my eyes right before the screen popped up. :P
However, I place my decision to Pittsburgh (at this time), but I may change my mind.. I haven't heard anything from Univ of Chicago, so we will see...

Pittsburgh is a complicated place for me. :) I chose to move to this city long before I graduated from ISU. I planned to get a job there, so I applied for residential treatment as well as hotel jobs in Pittsburgh. I chose this particular city for a funny reason that I couldn't share w/ you. Things happened from that time until after I graduated from ISU. I decided to go to grad school on Nov 2007 and relied on US News report grad school magazine as a resource to apply for schools. Univ of Pittsburgh is shown on the top 20 best social work graduate program, and I thought it was a perfect match. :)
Next, you know what's going on after that... :)

I don't know what I am doing...
People say that I am a strong girl, very brave, despite the fact that I like to share my worries to my co-workers and best friends. I am truly a complicated person.. hahaha...
SOme of them also say that I will be a good mom. I guess it has to do w/ my current job...

see Yaa.. I will get ready for work.

^_^

Saddd...

I am really sad right now.
I don't know how I should explain it.
For sure, it has nothing to do w/ school or work.
It's complicated, and I am scared.

I've got a mail!

^_^ finally, the mail I've been waiting for a week arrived in my mailbox yesterday.
It's from the University of Pittsburgh, and it's all about scholarship stuff. They give me a scholarship plus stipend w/ a condition that I have to maintain at least 3.00 GPA by the end of academic year, earn at least B for required courses and S for field placement, and take at least 15 credits per semester. If I can maintain all of those conditions, they will keep my scholarship and stipend for another year.

I am satisfied w/ the amount of money they give it to me, but I am a little bit nervous w/ the requirements. I know my abilities well, but I am still scared because this time, I talk about graduate program, not undergraduate. The school itself is a reputable university, and their social work program was listed on the "US News,World& Report" top graduate schools. @_@ I couldn't sleep last night because of that mixed feelings, despite the fact that I wanted to sleep so badly. :(

Today, I work morning, during super chores,so I should be at home by 1:30pm. I am tempted to take the whole day off, but I dropped my thought. I'll back to Pittsburgh on April, and I probably will take 3 days off in a row,so I want to make sure that I have plenty workload hours to cover those 3 absent days.

Did I tell you that I had trainings, two days in a row from 9-4pm and went to work until 11pm? The training was about de-escalation, restraint, and healthy positive relationships. Yesterday, we learned how to restraint people in the safe and appropriate ways. The funny part was I asked the instructor what happened if I have issues w/ touching. It's okay if people touch my shoulder and elbow, but I'll shock or feel not comfortable when they touch my hip. The instructor said I had to do it because I had to pass the practice exam for my certification. :(
Luckily, I had two co-workers attended the training w/ me, so I practiced w/ them.
I'll miss all trainings when I leave my job by the end of April... They offered good trainings, and these trainings benefited me.

I've got to get ready for work,,,
Thanks and Happy Saturday!

p.s. my roommate is kind of excited today because we may go somewhere for fun. Her best friend is out of town, and she has nothing to do. Fortunately, I take half-day off, so we can do something. If time allows, I'll stop by at my girl friend's apartment this evening. I'll surprise her. :)

Tick..Tick..tiCking...

February will end soon, and I only have two months left before I move to another state. I'll be sad because I have to leave both my best friends and workplace. On the other hand, I'm excited to start my journey in a different city 6 mths from now. Pittsburgh seems to be the city I'm going to at this moment, but I don't know if I change my mind.

My roommate mentioned something on Sunday, and her comments really hit me. She said that it seemed to her that I wasn't really an outgoing person, and I enjoyed to do things by myself. However, she then stated that it was probably my work schedule that limited my abilities to hang out w/ friends on weekend. Sunday is not the best day to hang out w/ friends considering that most of them are in school, so Sunday is a time for them to finish homework and projects. I admit that I'm not very talkative in public, especially if I don't know the people well, and it seems that I tend to have a few friend w/ longer commitment. What I try to say is that I am able to keep my friendship w/ them for a long period of time.
The most common comment I hear from my friend is that I am a thoughtful person. Hahaha... I don't know why, but this is what most of them tell me..

Anyway, I will take half day off this upcoming Saturday, so I am hoping to use my spare time to mingle w/ my friends. I was able to meet some of them on Sunday after church, and another one on Monday night. It was short, but that was good enough for me. I could eat w/ them, go to grocery store together, and chat w/ them. I got a lovely hug from some of them, too, and those hugs meant so much for me. Hehehe..

Ok, I've got to go...

Mail...Mail...Mail...

I've been constantly checking my mailbox for past three days and would be upset if I didn't see anything in my mailbox. I'm waiting for letters from three universities w/ two different reasons. I want to know whether I am accepted at the Univ of Chicago or not, and this applies to my application at the Washington Univ, too. I also wait for my scholarship letter from the Univ of Pittsburgh to ensure that I heard the news correctly.

I was excited to see a USPS car outside my apartment building, but was dissapointed when I didn't see a letter from any universities. I got something, but it had nothing to do w/ universities. People may think that Univ of Pittsburgh gives me quick response, but it's actually not. My application was marked as "early consideration" w/ Jan 1 as the due date, and I really wanted to go to Univ of Pittsburgh at that time, so I rushed my references to catch the dateline. It took about two weeks for them to evaluate my essay, transcript, and resume, but it took a longer time to decide whether you are eligible for scholarship or not.

On the other hand, other universities like Univ of Chicago and Washington, take nearly 7-8 weeks to evaluate everything, but they will give you both the acceptance and scholarship notifications at the same time. At the end, the wait-time for Univ of Pittsburgh is about the same w/ the wait-time for other universities. I guess I'll wait and keep checking my mailbox...

@_@

Hate Snow!!

Today's weather was really bad. We had a heavy snow blizzard w/ 2-3inches of snow...
Spring, please come ASAP!!! I am enough w/ snow..

Despite of the unfriendly weather we had this morning, I still managed to go to church and ate lunch w/ my friends. We went to Dublin Bay, an Irish restaurant which is located on East side of Ames. I've never visited the place before, thus, this place was totally new for me. I ordered a Crabcake Benedict (brunch menu), and it consisted of two english muffins topped w/ crabcakes and poached eggs. In addition to that, I got 1 slice of soda bread and potatoes. We then ordered a dessert (ice cream) w/ coffee flavors, served w/ whipped topping, chocolate syrup, and oreo cookies. Nice dessert w/ perfect portion because we shared the ice cream. :)

Good day overall.

I get to go.. I am dizzy now.. urgh..

BluE ThuRsdAy

HellO, and Happy 'late' Valentine!

My agenda on Valentine's day:
- African American Culture training 9-12:15pm
- Work until 11 pm,spend my times w/ my thirteen-years-old client before he leaves for foster care this morning.
- Clean intake office, do other household tasks in shelter, and chat w/ my colleagues.
-Overall, I have 14 hrs of work on Valentine's day. :)

We only have 2 clients in shelter, and this number will reduce to one after 2 pm on Friday. This is the first time in our history that we only have 2 clients in shelter, and we assumme that it has to do w/ the Department of Human Services (DHS)' new policy. There is a rumor that DHS tries to avoid shelter and wants to put kids/adolescents to foster care system. As I told you earlier, our shelter is a temporary placement for kids and adolescents before they are sent to their residential treatment program. DHS eventually wants to save money by sending kids to foster care system instead of treatment services.

Our director and CEO are currently working on this issue w/ the legislation to save our shelter. They told staff during meeting on Wednesday that shelter won't be closed, and they've never thought about that. I am hoping that we can get at least parent placement kids over the weekend.Anyway, I will let them (YSS CEO+ RDS director) to work on that legal part, and I hope they will bring a good news for us.

My younger client insisted that I had to go shoveling w/ him yesterday afternoon. FYI, the weather was cold, windy, and snowing!! I decided to accompany him and use my time to play w/ the snow. My client saw me, and he told me that I cracked him up, funny. :P
I wanted to spend my times w/ him as much as I could since he will be going to foster care on Friday (2/15). I am going to miss him regardless of his bad outburst and swing mood, in which these behaviors will trigger him to tear the house apart.

@_@

We lose reliance on our own wills and learn to behave in ways that are perhaps foreign to our wild selves, but we get the hand of the living God who promises never to burden us w/ any weight we cannot handle. (Steve Givens)

I've been reading "Living Faith" for almost a year as a way to keep my sanity. It is kind of a reflection book, in which every reading is connected to the Bible. I was stressed out w/ job hunting and family issue after my graduation until I didn't know what I was supposed to do. Everything seemed to be wrong, and I ended up crying almost every night.
At the end, I realize that studying in the United States makes me closer to God.

So, what's the point I mention all of those stories?
I need an answer, but I can't find it. I am afraid to make a decision because I am afraid that I will fail again. I am standing in intersection with "school" on my left side and "work" on my right side. I have to choose which universities I will go, and I can't deny that I wonder how my interview w/ Hyatt goes. It is true that I want to keep working w/ children, youths, and family, but I also want to know whether I pass the interview or not.
The dateline for Univ of Pittsburgh is Friday (Feb 16), and they will drop my application if I don't pay the deposit fee. I won't get the scholarship notification until next week. On the other hand, the univ of Chicago won't announce both the acceptance and scholarship notifications until early March. My time is ticking, and I need to move on and think fast.
Another consideration is that I am responsible to every action I make. It involves money in some way, and I want to ensure that I use my money wisely.

I finally sent the acceptance form w/ the deposit check to Univ of Pittsburgh before I went to staff meeting this morning. I will just figure out later, if I decide to go for something else.

After Trips-

Hello again!

My four days getaways ended this morning at Des Moines Intl Airport. I woke up at 4 am to get ready for my 6 am flight. The bad thing is that tomorrow is my turn to work until 11pm T_T, and I'm not happy about that.

How should I say about my getaways?
I enjoyed my adventurous trips to Pittsburgh and Chicago, even though my first flight on Friday (12/8) was delayed which led me to miss the next flight, and I finally had to reschedule my interview. I was supposed to be there by 2 pm, but I ended up having my interview at 4:15pm. The interview lasted for 1.5 hrs, and I went to hotel right away, which took another 40 minutes.

Pittsburgh has a lot of (very) old Victorian style buildings w/ mountainous landscape. The easy way to picturize Pittsburgh in your mind is by combining San Francisco and Rome (or other related European countries). Oakland is known as the university area, and the university buildings are scattered accross the area. CMU(Carnegie Mellon Univ) is in Oakland, too. They have pretty good public transportation, so I am happy about that. By the way, I almost lost in downtown because I couldn't find the right bus stop to go back to Oakland.

I kept asking myself what I really want throughout my stay in Pittsburgh. My interview w/ Hyatt Regency went pretty well, and they'd already known about my status. However, I don't think they know that my OPT will last soon :P.
The director asked if I liked Pittsburgh or not, and I couldn't answer it because I have never been to Pittsburgh before. He told me that he wanted to make sure that I had perfect balance between work and personal life. Hahaha... funny.

Let's move to Chicago part..
Special thanks to my college friends because I could stay in their apartment for 2 nights. The univ of Chicago is located on down south of Chicago, while their apartment is on north side. :)
I only visited the School of Social Service building due to cold weather. The architecture of the buildings is similar to the one here at ISU. This time, I got the opportunity to sit in the class for 1.5 hrs, a plus experience, I guess. The sad thing is that I won't get the result until early March. It takes 6-8wks for them to evaluate my statement and everything, while the Univ of Pittsburgh only takes 1 week to evaluate my statement. Moreover, I need to turn in the deposit fee for Pittsburgh by the end of this week, and I haven't done it..

I really don't know which school I should go. Both of them are good universities. I have friends in Chicago, so I should be okay if I move there. On the other hand, I don't know anyone in Pittsburgh, so I have to move and do everything by myself. My roommate suggests me to move to Pittsburgh after I shared my stories and showed her couple maps and brochures.

OOh...
I don't know what I should do..

Histeric Client---

Again, one of my clients screamed in front of me just because we (staff) didn't give her a razor. Her behaviors were HORRIBLE!!!!!!!!
She yelled, cursed, and all things you could name. I didn't watch my tone when I spoke w/ her, and I didn't care because she was out of control. I told her that whatever she did, I wouldn't grant her wishes. Last night, she broke our phone, purposely dumped water on floor, and cursed at anyone in the house. Once she was out from shower, she started to argue again because I didn't give her a pair of sock that she liked. She wanted the ankle one, but I gave her the long sock, and I insisted that she had to wear one because the weather was cold. I told her that she could fold the sock, and it would be okay. I convinced her that it would take less than a minute to do it, and she agreed. She suddenly was able to calm herself, and I finally could talk to her w/o having her yelled back at me.

I told her that her behaviors were not acceptable. She claimed that her friends didn't respect her, and I said it was because she didn't respect herself. I convinced her that people would treat her nice, if she acted nicely too. She then said I reminded her of her mom. Her mom used to say the same thing, so I told her that she should do what her mom asked her to do.

Anyway, it was a long morning. The house environment wasn't good, and all clients knew that. I don't know what she is going to do tonight, but I hope she won't make any trouble. No wonder my headache is coming back.


That's all I have for today.


*_*